My two local airports, the Newport News Williamsburg International Airport (known locally as the New Willie) and the Norfolk International Airport, have defensively announced that they don't have the full body scanners that are causing all the ruckus. What a relief! That will save the same people that parade around the beach half-naked for no good reason other than to show off their boobs and butt cheeks from having to endure a body scan for the purpose of keeping them safe from underwear bombers.
Completely overshadowed is the TSA announcement that travelers will not be allowed to carry cranberry sauce, creamy dips and spreads, gravy, jams and jellies, maple syrup, salsa and other gooey substances through security -- they'll have to be checked in baggage or else left at home.
They can, however carry pies and cakes onboard, subject to additional screening to make sure they haven't baked any files or bombs into the pastries. (I don't have to put explosives in my pies for them to bomb.)
But where's the turkey? Is the TSA assuming, just like my adult sons do, that Mom will take care of that? I can hear the phone conversations taking place all over America between adult children and their mothers: "But Mom, the TSA won't let me bring the turkey. Besides -- you do it every year. I wouldn't want to deprive you of that tradition."
So these wayward kids who couldn't want to move away from home to pursue their fortunes as telemarketers pick up a measley pie at Food Lion on the way to the airport and feel like they've done their mothers a favor. Meanwhile, Mom has been up all night brining the turkey and chopping celery and onions for the stuffing.
Then these same adults will all line up with their pies in aluminum pie tins, and when they get selected for additional security, they'll protest that their Fourth Amendment rights are being violated, and that the TSA officer had better not touch "their junk."
That's the same thing my adult sons said about the stuff they left in their rooms when they moved out at varying times over the past 14 years. The TSA should treat those threats the same way that I did -- put their junk in plastic bags and move it out of their way so they can get the job done.
That's what those ungrateful kids get for carrying cheap store-bought pies home to their mothers.